There must be something wrong with me; I just haven’t managed today to feel very spiritual about the Annunciation. Compared to the effort I put into the celebration of my Name Day last week, I feel like my efforts today have been entirely feeble. To be fair, it is my penultimate day in my current job, and so I’m mostly tying up loose ends in the office and saying goodbye to colleagues. The thought of serving as Subdeacon on Palm Sunday (and having two epistles to chant!) is playing on my mind, as I must remember to revise the rubrics for that day. Holy Week and the desperate need for some quiet time before the Sacred Triduum is similarly looming over my waking hours and stressing me out mildly. I woke up this morning, said my prayers and my novena devotions to S. Rita of Cascia for my grandmother’s health (!), but despite the short time I’ve offered to God in prayer today; I feel that between myself and the mystery of the Incarnation is an unfathomable spiritual distance that frustrates me and leaves me feeling, well, disappointed.
I don’t know what I should do, but I have a good idea of what I’m going to do. Before or after Mass today, I will try to spend some time in quiet prayer before the Blessed Sacrament and I will try to pray the Joyful Mysteries of the Holy Rosary, because that is where we are promised a way into the boundless mystery of the Incarnation which we celebrate today. The Eucharist is that sacred rite in which the entire redemptive act, which begins to play out at the Annunciation, is made present to us. The Mass brings together every line of the story, from Annunciation to Presentation, to Passion to Crucifixion to Resurrection, bringing the bookends of the narrative together and fusing these moments into one. In the shadow of these other events, especially of the Passion and Death of Christ, the Annunciation begins to round-out, and we see it for what it is, a Holy Mystery, as unfathomable as all the others, but comforting, meaningful; the manifestation of a Love that knows no bounds. We see Mary’s fiat, in which the exuberance of love for God that she had been storing up in her Immaculate Heart, suddenly overflows, only to be replaced by the bitter grain of Simeon’s prophecy, and ultimately the sword that pierced that same innocent heart at the sight of her Son and Lord crucified.
Our comfort and our joy, on the feast of the Annunciation, is to participate in that bitter-sweet sacrifice of Mary’s “yes” by receiving Jesus into our souls in Holy Communion, and nurturing Him there as Mary did in her womb. Mary’s sacrifice is joined to Christ’s, as it is so often said; one could not happen without the other. No matter how lazy or unmoved I feel today, I know that in the Blessed Sacrament I will receive the grace to dive into that Mystery and dwell there for as much as my soul can bear, and that I will be sharing in Mary’s sacrifice, which begins today with her joy at the Annunciation, and is completed tomorrow when her Heart is pierced by the last of her Seven Sorrows.
For readers in London, there will be a Low Mass with Cantor at S. Magnus the Martyr at 6pm. You will be very welcome to join us there.
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I forget who I was reading recently but what he had to say speaks directly to your situation it seems. He wrote that, in addition to the spiritual benefits that it brings, our participation in the services and especially the feasts often brings with it them an emotional high. We feel happy. We feel spiritual. We feel elated because of the mysteries being celebrated and the majesty of the services. All of this is good and is to be enjoyed and used to spur us on to a greater spiritual life, but we must not confuse these feelings with the true spiritual benefits of participating in the mysteries of our salvation, which are the lasting effects of the grace of God on our bodies and souls.
ReplyDeleteIf we do confuse the two, we risk losing sight of the true goal of our Christian discipleship, which is our deification: our growth into the likeness of God. We also put ourselves in the position where, if we do not get the happy feelings, we begin to doubt our faith, wondering what we have not done properly, what is wrong with us that God has not allowed us to experience this beauty. This is wrong.
If you want to spend time in prayer before and after mass because you feel this is right and proper, and that it will aid your growth into God, then by all means do it. And if you want to examine your conscience and seek to root out anything that may be preventing you from partcipating more fully in the energies of God, then by all means do that as well. But do not do these things because you feel that something is wrong with you because you don't have the happy feeling that you sometimes get on feasts. It doesn't always come. Such is our Christian walk.
I second what Michael says and would only add that, in my own experience at least, the discipline of regular prayer, through spiritual "highs" and "lows" is a very important thing that produces a profound,if subtle, effect.
ReplyDeleteEven at its ebbs, your devotion to prayer and frequent reception of the sacrament is still inspiring for those of us who have allowed ourselves to slacken in those areas.
I am sure with you will be fine on Sunday, let it all happen around you and let your capabilities carry you along. I look forward to seeing some photos?
ReplyDeleteAs for your feelings of spiritual inadequacy in response to the annunciation, reflect on that in the context of Lent. Use your time in prayer to let Christ carry you through these dark days. As others have said. Ups and downs are part of everyones prayer life.
Of course, it could be that, in your heart of hearts, you know that you are celebrating the feast thirteen days early, and that this is why you feel no spiritual connetion to the feast at the moment. :-p
ReplyDeleteI suspect that the Mother of God needed some time after "...the Angel left her" to get her thoughts and feelings in order.
ReplyDeleteI am sure you will be fine on Sunday. Simply remember to strike the door with foot of the Processional Cross and ignore Baleschi and Dale's instruction to kick the door with your foot. Mind you no one says you can't kick something else...
On the subject of the Blessed Virgin. I wanted to share this with everyone if that is ok.
ReplyDeleteLorenna MacKennitt (a performer from Canada whose repertoire includes an eclectic mix of Celtica, world beat, Middle Eastern music, and folk)recorded a beautiful song about Our Lady called 'The Seven Rejoices of Mary.'
There is a video at:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gx2Mc5K9VO0
and a short audio snippet at:
http://www.quinlanroad.com/explorethemusic/mid-winter-nights-dream.asp
The lyrics are:
The first good joy that Mary had
It was the joy of one.
The first rejoice that Mary had
Was to see her new born son.
To see her new born son good man,
And blessed may he be.
Sing Father, Son and Holy Ghost,
To all eternity.
The next good joy that Mary had
It was the joy of two.
To see her son Jesus,
Make the lame to go.
The next rejoice that Mary had,
It was the joy of three.
To see her own son Jesus,
To make the blind to see.
To make the blind to see good man,
And blessed may he be.
Sing Father, Son and Holy Ghost,
To all eternity.
The next good joy our lady had,
It was the joy of four.
It was the rejoice of her dear son,
When he read the bible o'er.
The next good joy that Mary had,
It was the joy of five.
To see her own son Jesus,
To make the dead alive.
To make the dead alive good man,
And blessed may he be.
Sing Father, Son and Holy Ghost,
To all eternity.
The next rejoice our lady had,
It was the rejoice of six.
To see her own son Jesus,
To bear the crucifix.
The next good joy that Mary had,
It was the joy of seven.
To see her own son Jesus,
To wear the crown of heaven.
To wear the crown of heaven good man,
And blessed may he be.
Sing Father, Son and Holy Ghost,
To all eternity.
And glory may he be,
And blessed now be she.
And those who sing the seven long verses,
In honour of our lady.